First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
