hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
