I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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