giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
did you just send me my own nude
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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