I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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