I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
whose parrot is this?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
