Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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