aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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