Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and she was petting her beer can
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will be naked everywhere
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
