is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
