Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
