Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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