What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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