I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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