so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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