just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
