Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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