Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
