I wanna bring you to show and tell
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
