ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
