the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
