His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize