I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
