He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
