Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
