So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
