So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
