We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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