Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
