So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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