Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
