She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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