didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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