You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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