I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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