Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.