1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.