Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties

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  (206): put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties http://tfl.nu/njvs
  Replies (5) Good night (2193) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.

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  (920): Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later. http://tfl.nu/9vwo
  Replies (4) Good night (2242) Bad night (663)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..

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  (785): it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string.. http://tfl.nu/4pq8
  Replies (28) Good night (722) Bad night (7309)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I threw up into my coffee this morning.

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  (218): I threw up into my coffee this morning. http://tfl.nu/fytz
  Replies (10) Good night (905) Bad night (5069)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.

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  (702): sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/022f
  Replies (14) Good night (982) Bad night (4488)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, its January.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We're going to do the voices too.

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  (970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb
  Replies (13) Good night (5469) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.

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  (513): Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu. http://tfl.nu/2u8z
  Replies (12) Good night (3942) Bad night (1144)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz

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  (740): I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz http://tfl.nu/789h
  Replies (10) Good night (2038) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.

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  (907): Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today. http://tfl.nu/sot5
  Replies (4) Good night (1624) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.

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  (517): Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons. http://tfl.nu/2wud
  Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.

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  (727): He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life. http://tfl.nu/pdok
  Replies (12) Good night (732) Bad night (1232)
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  (585): View more from New York

  There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn

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  (585): There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn http://tfl.nu/f3ez
  Replies (6) Good night (1214) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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  (678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1
  Replies (5) Good night (1321) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300

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  (812): Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300 http://tfl.nu/t71x
  Replies (7) Good night (647) Bad night (1488)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.

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  (208): Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering. http://tfl.nu/ya1u
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (416)

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