I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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