Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me

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  (586): If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me http://tfl.nu/rhnt
  Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (1131)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless

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  (586): On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless http://tfl.nu/z7nx
  Replies (6) Good night (1139) Bad night (1259)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.

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  (785): Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours. http://tfl.nu/zm6d
  Replies (17) Good night (4814) Bad night (840)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy

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  (778): I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy http://tfl.nu/o3jf
  Replies (19) Good night (5725) Bad night (1386)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived

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  (207): Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived http://tfl.nu/2pbp
  Replies (18) Good night (940) Bad night (7475)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my margaritas pass through security.

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  (610): I hope my margaritas pass through security. http://tfl.nu/1pwp
  Replies (7) Good night (4252) Bad night (690)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

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  (803): Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine. http://tfl.nu/e72g
  Replies (25) Good night (8609) Bad night (1187)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.

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  (409): i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes. http://tfl.nu/ajvi
  Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.

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  (941): I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head. http://tfl.nu/zqfr
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

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  (703): I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks. http://tfl.nu/40kn
  Replies (3) Good night (1697) Bad night (620)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.

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  (202): Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/pg5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1566) Bad night (491)
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  (805): View more from California

  I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace

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  (805): I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace http://tfl.nu/uk2m
  Replies (8) Good night (1003) Bad night (392)
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  (858): View more from California

  He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"

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  (858): He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup" http://tfl.nu/blqz
  Replies (2) Good night (926) Bad night (400)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway

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  (708): I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway http://tfl.nu/ggq6
  Replies (1) Good night (874) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands

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  (608): Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands http://tfl.nu/zg9d
  Replies (0) Good night (450) Bad night (207)

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