mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch