i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"