Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

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  (301): She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/0dzx
  Replies (32) Good night (845) Bad night (4175)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

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  (807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina. http://tfl.nu/rpnu
  Replies (46) Good night (7426) Bad night (1111)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.

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  (813): I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month. http://tfl.nu/259p
  Replies (20) Good night (689) Bad night (5105)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis

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  (816): I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis http://tfl.nu/fnup
  Replies (77) Good night (5620) Bad night (950)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.

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  (281): I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me. (979): I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys. http://tfl.nu/btxr
  Replies (23) Good night (5585) Bad night (1811)
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  (347): View more from New York

  when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign

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  (347): when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign http://tfl.nu/d21d
  Replies (22) Good night (2915) Bad night (1518)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

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  (913): You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy http://tfl.nu/fi9p
  Replies (12) Good night (5379) Bad night (1164)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely

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  (610): yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely http://tfl.nu/qwih
  Replies (7) Good night (2924) Bad night (1010)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was always good at matching as a child.

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  (614): she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her. (614): I was always good at matching as a child. http://tfl.nu/vx3e
  Replies (6) Good night (3741) Bad night (657)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.

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  (203): I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant. http://tfl.nu/7i15
  Replies (6) Good night (2067) Bad night (865)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.

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  (718): Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up. http://tfl.nu/gzqi
  Replies (4) Good night (1377) Bad night (533)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?

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  (630): This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite? http://tfl.nu/a887
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (368)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.

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  (612): I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps. http://tfl.nu/1h6s
  Replies (4) Good night (1713) Bad night (329)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.

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  (980): I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle. http://tfl.nu/hjcy
  Replies (7) Good night (601) Bad night (236)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...

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  (519): It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it... http://tfl.nu/1qng
  Replies (0) Good night (314) Bad night (448)

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