Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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