Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
