Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize