One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
