My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
