Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
