I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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