The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Even my vagina gasped.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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