he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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