PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
