How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
