Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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