I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
