She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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