so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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