yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
