Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
