I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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