the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
