He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
