I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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