Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
