no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
