So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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