then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
