put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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