So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
