12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
