Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
