Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize