you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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