and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
