I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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