Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
