Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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