I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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