Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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