we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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